Do You Believe You Are Easy to Love?

Haha – chill.

            In all seriousness, this is a difficult question for me to answer when I ask myself. For the longest time I would have answered, no. I am not easy to love. I have a hard time trusting people, I have mental health issues that escalate at random, I don’t carry loss well, my pain comes out as aggression at its surface, I think a lot, I feel a lot, sometimes I’m mean, sometimes I’m nice. I am a hypocrite, and have a misconstrued perception and fear that everyone leaves, and not that that’s not true, but if I trust God either has something better or has a much greater plan than I can see, then their removal from my story should be a blessing not a beating, and for years, I have convinced myself that I was simply unlovable once someone got close enough to me. Impossible to love.

            But that’s the devil talking – convincing me that my pain should be feared and avoided by others at all costs, because it’s the very wall that prevents someone from loving me. It’s the trauma talking.

            And none of that is true when I shift my focus from those who left me in the mud. I look around and notice all the people who loved me through my darkest hour, those who never left my side with the ability to separate pain from character. I look at just how loved I truly am, and all the people who never made it feel forced. I notice those who admire my ability to reach a point where I see beauty and hope in every bad experience.

            To see the deepest layers beneath someone, see how aware, hurt, and vulnerable they can be when connected to their experiences and emotions, it generates some sort of realness and truth that people are often afraid to confront themselves. But, also, it creates a deep level of connection for those that seek raw human emotions radiating from a spirit.

            What I’m saying is, sometimes, seeing someone’s flaws can make us feel less alone in ours, and we share love towards the transparency of this human experience.

            So, no, I may not be the easiest person to be in a relationship with, but every time I have ever felt “unlovable,” it was a clear reflection of how my partner felt about themselves. I’ve been called a “burden” by someone who didn’t have enough energy to change his socks, I’ve been called “collateral damage” by someone who couldn’t focus on anything other than their own pain, and I’ve been cheated on by someone who didn’t think they deserved love. Because when I account for the people who have seen so many different versions of me and choose to still love me unconditionally, I realize that I am actually easy to love, just as I am. 

            And regardless of how you answered this question, I’d bet my life on the fact that you are easy to love too.