Perception – We Think We Know What They’re Thinking, But Do We Really?

The ego in me wants to say, “yes, I’m always right, I put all the pieces together and the conclusions I jumped to were definitely correct.” Sometimes, I will humbly (not) say, this does in fact happen. But more often than not, I made up how someone else looked at or felt about a situation based on what I would do in their shoes – based on who I am as a person and who I think they are as a person, not based on how they actually are, nor any logical evidence.

So, when we’re in a bad place and start to believe everyone hates us or we’re not good enough or people who have never done anything wrong to us are suddenly out to get us, most of the time, our own brain is lying to us. We don’t actually know what they’re thinking nor what’s going on in their day-to-day lives. Hypothetically, my friend could be upset that I forgot to call her, but I had a hard day at work and left crying. My focus is on what made me upset at work, while my friend’s focus is on my failure to call. Now, her perception is skewed, and her emotional response generates feelings of sadness exposing itself in anger. She thinks I’m “neglectful” and that I “don’t value our friendship.” Well, of course, that’s not true – perception. 

In the same situation, we could both never bring it up, say I forget, and she holds that judgement of my character forever, one day leaving me with no explanation. OR we could talk about it, she’s super empathetic, and ends up helping me get a new job where I meet my future husband. Perception’s grip, created from our own brains and experiences, can lead to both the most beautiful and ugliest of things.

Another part I would like to emphasize, is that our perceptions of people and the world are mainly based on our emotional reactions to past experiences, leading to personal biases of all sorts. That being said, it is nearly impossible to know what someone is thinking unless you underwent the exact same life as them, or shared the same brain. We will never know what others are thinking, nor how often or how fast they’re thinking. (“but they could explain what they’re thinking about or their thought patterns.” Not everyone understands their own thoughts. And people lie – deception.). With that perspective, even our closest friends could be seen as some level of strangers. Distant. Deceiving, even. Every last person. It’s important to learn to acknowledge when our personal biases are skewing our perception and leading to judgement – try as we must, we will not know through and through why someone’s thoughts and perceptions are the way that they are, and there’s a high chance we will fill in the blanks based off personal biases when we don’t understand.

Hypothetical – Me and you are walking on the beach. We see a woman in raggedy clothes, seemingly homeless, taking a shower at the outdoor beach shower. You stare are her with pity. You say, “I feel bad for her. Her life seems so hard. She probably hasn’t had a real shower in months.” Whole time, this “homeless” woman isn’t actually homeless, she’s actually an ex-celebrity who donated all her money to charity. She lives a minimalist lifestyle in her small beach cottage, and it’s the most peace she’s felt it years. Perception.